I’m not going to lie; I am not patient at all.

Which has gotten me into a few pickles over the last few years.

Coupled with my incurable pride, I am an utter disaster. But I’m also a force to be reconned with.

Unfortunately, I feel like this makes me a bit of a hassle on my family as I completely disregard what they think I should be doing with my life. I didn’t think that living on my own and going to school when I can is something to frown upon, but the way my parents huff and sigh is astounding.

I rushed into college life straight out of high school while ignoring the price tag because I thought I could make it work. This led to me returning home and living with my parents for about a year and half to get back on my feet.

Then I went back to school, thinking I could make it work. But once again, I had to leave. But that brings us to where I am today (see, not some long, convoluted anecdote about how my life choices have been valuable lessons.). So I took a job in retail and that’s where I’ve been the last year or so trying to get back to where I wanted to be.

Now, what ifs plague me constantly. Like, what if I had stayed home with my parents instead of paying over $14K out of pocket for a semester of school just to leave? Or what if I had wasted a year at community college doing my extracurricular courses before transferring to  a four year school? What if I had stayed at my first job that I had when I was 16 and worked my way up in the company? Or what if I had been able to make it all work and was about to graduate?

I know you’re asking ‘what the hell is the point, woman? Are you going to give me some great life advice or something? Or are you selling a time-machine to go back and let us all redo our lives?’ I wish, friends.

I’m not going to give you any advice. Everyone gives advice about moving past your bad decisions. Like, just put it behind you and look forward. Or, everyday is an opportunity to do better. And my personal favorite, the only place to go when you hit bottom is up.

But I just wanted you all to know that I’m not perfect. I don’t want you all to think that I am, or that I know best about everything I write about. I just want you all to see a different perspective than what you’ve heard a million times over.

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