What, pray tell, I am supposed to be doing with life?
I feel life a failure.
I am a failure.
I should’ve been done with this by now.
I shouldn’t be putting this off.
I shouldn’t be worrying about this.
Why am I so worried about this?
I’m not going to have enough money for lunch let alone a damn parking pass.
I’m not going to have enough money for my car, let alone the rest of teh semester.
Gods, I wish I could curl up under a tree and sleep for a millennia.
I wish I could fake my death and escape into the woods to become a local cryptid.
This isn’t worth it anymore.
This was never worth.
I’m going to see this through and it will all be for nothing.
What if I’m just wasting my youth?
Gods, I’m just wasting my youth.
Why is this all so hard?
This part isn’t hard; what am I forgetting to do now?
I wish I could take a nap in this wonderful autumn sunshine and enjoy the green before the snow, but no. I have to work.
I wish I could find a better job where I’m not treated like a damn babysitter for grown adults.
I want to stop. Just Stop.
I want to be there already.
What if I’m not on the right path to begin with?
What if I’m wasting my time trying to force something when really I’m meant to do something else with my life?
What if my only purpose is to waste my youth and remaining hope working a deadend retail job?
What if I finally get stabbed in the parking lot at work tonight?
What if my tire blows out while I’m doing 80 on the highway trying to make it to work?
What if I get fired and have no other job?
What if everything I’ve worked so hard for collapses under me?
I need real food.
I haven’t had anything but coffee today.
No wait, I had a burrito for breakfast.
I need more sleep.
I wish my back and hips and knees didn’t hurt.
I wish I could travel.
I wish I wasn’t so apathetic.
I wish I wasn’t so…. depressed?
I wish I had a prettier face.
I wish I could be there already.
I wish I was a doctor already.
I wish I had enough money to last me to next payday.
Oh gods, how am I going to make it to next payday.
Shit, I still have to find a concert to go to for music appreciation.
Shit, I still have to go to the math building for that exam due last week.
How come this looks so easy and effortless for everyone else.
What am I doing wrong.
Thank you for coming to my anxiety fueled braindump. I just needed to get some of this out somewhere, so thank you for being patient and bearing with me,