Honestly there isn’t too much you can do.

How do I know?

Let me regale you with the tale of little ol’ freshman me, years ago. My parents had told me after many, many arguments, that they were unable to pay for college and where unable to qualify for student loans at this point after having sent my older siblings to college. My parents told me this fact after I had already registered for classes.

No matter where I looked, I wasn’t able to get a job within walking or biking distance from campus. I couldn’t find a work-study position until I was half-way through the semester. I didn’t have a car or a licence at this time, so I couldn’t look for anything more than a couple miles away.

When fall break finally rolled around and my dad came to pick up, since they were kicking basically everyone out for the holidays, we stopped by the financial aid office. Which told him the same thing I had told him; I didn’t qualify for shit because my documents said my parents should make enough.

They told me that I would have to take a leave of absence from campus until I could pay off the remainder on my bill.

So I took a leave and stayed gone for almost two years, since that was how long it took me to pay most everything off and save a little up.

However, the next semester up, even with a full-time job and a work study position, I still had a balance at the end of the semester.

So I left for a bit to get my shit straight again. And then I came back. So now I’m here again. I still don’t qualify for shit and I still don’t make enough to cover costs.

So what am I going to do?

Well, after I finish my depressive, self-destructive spiral of defeat…

I don’t know anymore.

I honestly don’t

But what are you supposed to do when something like this happens?

I don’t know…

Sell a kidney?

Sell yourself on the streets?

I’m at loss. Really. I have no solutions for you.

When my only option to stay in school at this moment is to take another part time job on top of me working full time and commuting, and thus sacraficing any and all sleep I can get…

When my only option is to sell my body, whether through stripping, prostitution, or plasma donation, or selling nudes on the internet….

When my only option is to pop out a kid in literally three weeks to qualify for more aid NEXT YEAR…

When my only option is to leave school again and work doubles and such until I can come back next summer and repeat this cycle for the next 3-5 years until I classify as a dependent student…

When my option is to try to force the love of my life into marriage early in hopes that I can qualify for more money next year…

When my only option is to work harder and harder and harder and leave my school work undone because I fell asleep from working so hard just to survive….

I don’t understand how I’m supposed to keep doing this. I don’t understand how a major university can afford to spend so much money on building new housing and stadiums and redoing academic buildings every 3 years, but doesn’t have enough money to slide each and every student who obviously can’t pay a couple hundred bucks in scholarships and grants.

So if you’re going through this like me… I’m so sorry. I feel your pain, your anger, your anguish, your disappointment, your loss, your defeat, your fear, your bittersweet hope.

I get it and I’m so so sorry we have to live like this.

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