Tag Archives: positivity

Spite not sugar…

Remember when you were having a hard time in elementary school with someone and you would ask your parents for help and they would say ‘kill them with kindness?’

And remember how frustrated you were because Stacy was not going to be nice to you first and why should you be nice first to some dumb slide-hog? And you would moan ‘but mom, killing her with kindness isn’t going to work!’ And you were right, because your mom had never met Stacy or knew what a raging cold-hearted bitch she was.

But then as you grew up, it was still the same advice of ‘kill them with kindness’. Well, do I have news for you friends.

You can now cut them from your life spitefully and still live a great life.

But that’s not the only place I’m going with Spite. Spite is what makes the world go round, not kindness. You don’t see drug lords and politicians being nice to regular people 9 times out of 10. You don’t see your managers at work being completely nice to everyone.

Maybe you’re afraid to take that leap into being a bitter hag like me. So let me tell you a thing; hate is just as passionate as love. You get as much emotional energy from hating something as you do loving something. So why not live in spite of everything?

When you harness spite as an emotional energy source, you feel more motivated to get shit done just so you don’t have to do it again. You feel more pressure from yourself to get that stupid meeting over with or to finish up that dumb project with so-and-so.

I live in spite of my foundations. I decided that I hated how I grew up and the foundations my family provided so I decided I was going to turn that hate into something productive. When I finally finish school, I’ll be the first doctor in my entire family. The first.

To hell with all the bullshit ‘good vibes only’ and ‘thinking positive’. I’m positive I’m going to get further than half of those wackos who only want to be positive and I’m positive I’ll have better emotional health because I’m not trying to push aside my negative thoughts or my ‘bad’ emotions.

I want you all to give me an example of how killing with kindness has worked for you, because in all my life and all my experiences I’ve never seen it work. So comment below and tell me why I’m wrong.

How to: Vodka Gummy Bears…

So here’s how to make my personal favorite drinking snack.

It’s really easy, but does take some set up time.

So all you need:

  • A quart-sized mason jar or a reusable food storage container (any size will really do)
  • big bag of gummy bears (whichever brand you prefer, I always get the biggest bag possible for multiple batches)
  • a big bottle of regular vodka (whichever brand you prefer, I always just get the cheapest, biggest bottle I can find)

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 12 hours

Step 1: Fill container 2/3 with gummy bears

Step 2: Pour vodka over gummy bears until just covered

Step 3: Put lid on container and put in fridge overnight

This is the best make-ahead party treat (for adults, duh) and it stays in the fridge pretty well until you want/need them. I usually just keep a jar in the fridge for a fun little something on Friday nights to treat myself for getting through the week. Because nothing says happiness like gummy bears and alcohol.

Survivng retail…

Retail is literal hell. Not metaphorical at all. I would not wish retail work upon my worst enemies.

But for those poor souls stuck working retail, here are some tips to get you through this.

  1. Treat your self. I don’t mean spend your entire paycheck on something you want cause it just came out. I mean, every week buy one little thing to motivate yourself to get through the week. Maybe it’s your favorite latte from Starbucks or maybe it’s Kitkat bar or maybe it’s a rental from Redbox for a night in. Whatever it is, I have a few ground rules to keep myself from going overboard, like nothing over $5.
  2. Go out. Not every night. But take yourself out every so often for ice cream or a movie. I know working retail is exhausting. I know it’s hard. But sometimes you have to take a break from being the responsible adult who’s going to work and paying those bills. So take a little break and enjoy something trivial.
  3.  Start a project outside of work.  You’re going to want to slap me for this, but hear me out. Start something big outside of work, say like repainting a room or starting a 1000-piece puzzle. Just start something to motivate you to finish the work day to go home to. Think about how expecting parents are more than happy to get off work to finish their nursery or how people join recreation sports teams. When you find something to get excited about after work, it makes the work day go easier.
  4.  Clean. Again, you’re going to want to slap me. But again, hear me out. I know how shitty it is to come home from a busy day and see a messy kitchen or bathroom and you feel all lingering motivation for anything flee your body. But think of cleaning like cheap therapy. No one is going to yell at you for beating the dust out of your rugs. No one will fault you for throwing out old magazines and junk mail. Or for aggressively scrubbing the stubborn grout stains on your tile. Cleaning is a good way to safely relieve some of the stress from work while still being productive.
  5. Take a fancy bubble bath. This goes hand-in-hand with treating yourself. Once a week, on your Friday (cause in retail do you ever work a real Monday to Friday, 9-5), go home and run a bath. Get some sweet ass bath bombs or some scented Epsom salts or some super bubbly bubble bath, light some candles, and soak for a few. Rest your tired feet and aching back in a nice hot bath to help relax your muscles. And there’s no shame if you’re a man. Seriously, a hot bath will do wonders for your back and hips and feet and knees. If you don’t have a bathtub, then just take a nice hot shower before bed and when you crawl into bed still warm from your shower, it’ll help you relax and sleep easier through the night.

I know working retail is a thankless job and it’s hard on your mental health and your body. Let me know in the comments below what you do to get through a long hard day in customer service.

Pop songs…

You know what really gets me going in the mornings?

Besides my three pots of coffee and the blood of my enemies.

Really girly pop songs.

No, seriously. This generation has come out with some of the best pop songs from girl groups and solo acts, all of which are finally yelling at little girls that they don’t need to be sexy and stuck up to be popular.

I love Fifth Harmony, and Taylor Swift, and Beyonce, and the amount of female rappers breaking into the industry warms my cold, shriveled heart.

I love that I can listen to the radio and not hear the same damn song preaching about how some girl just wants to fall in love and settle down with her dream boy ( I know early in Taylor Swift’s career she did this, but she has since evolved as an artist and has literally grown up). Now we have multiple ballads screaming how girls night out should stay girls night out, how the haters are just haters, how focusing on your ambitions will net you more than a man will.

I love a sappy romance song as much as the next gal, but when I get to hear those jams about working your ass off as a woman, I just want to cry tears of joy.

Because the industry is finally understanding. They finally get that their market is younger than preteens, that these girls are going to change the world and they need the right background music to do it (yes, the market is just in it to make a quick buck off this whole ‘woman power’ movement but we have to take our victories where we can).

No, this isn’t some feminist rant about how the music industry sucks for promoting XYZ artist or genre.

This is a declaration that I’m so happy these jams by educated women are available because growing up, I didn’t here anything as amazing as that. I had the same bullshit of party jam or breakup ballad. And now we have single lady party jams, we have hustle jams (not promoting side-hustles but damn is it nice to have a song or two promoting working hard), we have those jams about a lady shutting those dickwads down before they can even get close to her.

And if you don’t like this kind of music, that’s fine. I’m not trying to push you into something new and amazing and actually fun to dance to in your kitchen with your best friends while you make nachos at 3 in the morning after clubbing all night.

 

Student life: Study Tips that actually work…

You’re here because you’re procrastinating. You can’t get the info to stick in your information-saturated brain and now you’re scrambling because you have midterms next week. After reading article after article after blog post after blog post, you’re seeing the same bullshit everywhere. And it’s not working for you.

Maybe you were a gifted high school student who didn’t need to study. Maybe all the methods shoved down your throat in school just don’t work or you can’t grasp the intricacies of the method. Worst of all, maybe you’re just trying to find something that actually works outside of what everyone else has been doing since the dawn of higher learning.

So here’s some tips from me that I found work for me.

  1. Spend 30 minutes every day unwinding. This seems counter-intuitive, I know. But if you just spent 6 hours learning and running around, you’re overloaded mentally. First thing I do when I get home from classes (unless I have to work right after class), is take off my shoes, put on a pot of coffee, grab a snack, and do some quick little chores, like the dishes or starting a load of laundry. These are all mindless tasks that you don’t have to spend any real thinking time doing. It also helps set you up for the next few hours. You have coffee (or tea if you don’t want to drink coffee that late, or milk or water or juice or whatever you drink) to keep you going through your homework, your dishes are done, you have clothes started for tomorrow.
  2. Set up your desk. Don’t count this time as part of your break. This is your pre-study prep time. Set up your desk with all the things you need, like you pens, your notebooks, your textbooks, your notecards, your laptop, your drink and snacks. Get your computer up and running and the online homework portal up. This is were everyone else shirks away in their tips; there is no way for you to do your work 90% of the time without being on your computer. 90% of homework is completed or submitted online so you will need your computer.
  3. ‘Eat the Frog’  This is a tip I saw floating around on the internet. It’s basically just starting with the thing you hate most. The thinking behind this is that when you do the thing you hate most first, you won’t push it off, you won’t half-ass it, you won’t ‘pretend’ it doesn’t exist (I’ve been there, don’t lie to me). This isn’t exactly what you want to hear, but you still have to get the work done. So if you have to work on Lit, Math, and Chemistry, and you love Math but hate Chemistry, then work on Chemistry first. Channel your energy hating it into beating that stupid class into submission. Then to reward yourself, work on your favorite class last to give your brain a little break.
  4. Give yourself a montage. Something that oddly inspires me to work hard is pretend that I’m in a movie. So play some music in the ‘background’ (headphones please, not everyone shares your taste) and pretend that Speilberg is filming a dramatization of your life in a Legally Blonde-esque montage of you doing schoolwork and putting your nose to the grindstone. Don’t act all embarrassed by this, you do it in your head already when you’re on a bus ride. So just channel Elle Woods and pretend you have to put your ex-boyfriend in his place by being better than him at his own game.
  5. Google is your new study buddy. Everyone acts like your teacher or your textbook hold all the answers to the class. But that’s utter bullshit. Your teacher may be an expert in the field but sometimes it’s hard to communicate ideas to each other. It’s the drawback of language and human thought. So don’t be afraid to Google a concept or find a Youtube video explaining it. Not everyone learns the same way, so you’ll have to do some legwork on your own to find what works best for you to learn a difficult concept in a week. And Google is very useful for finding practice exams from other professors across the world, or presentations, or study guides.
  6. Avoid brain-drain. You know the feeling; you’ve been staring at the same page for an hour and nothing is soaking in. This is your indication to take a real break. Now, people preach about taking breaks every hour or so, but I take breaks after I finish a flow. A flow is when you get rolling on a project or a section of reading and it’s all just rolling along. So why break a flow when the timer goes off, instead of riding it to the end and keeping the productivity going? But when you get to brain-drain, call it night. Only go back to the desk if you will absolutely fail tomorrow. So when you ride a flow to the end, get up and refill your cup, grab a handful of trail mix or something, and switch projects.
  7. Plan time Do this at the end of your study session. Pull out your planner and update your assignment tasks. Personally, I put vague notes in my physical planner, like ‘Lit class, reading sess, essay revise’ and in my digital planner I put all the details, like page numbers, upcoming projects, essay to-dos. When I plan, I cross everything off that I did accomplish for the day and plan for what I need to get done tomorrow excluding things like pre-assigned reading or homework that needs to be completed daily. This helps me to stay on track with my studying and lets me plan for the next day, including where I can study between classes or what I can push off if my homework runs late.
  8. Work, School, Play. In that order exactly. Everyone brags and boasts how they were able to go to school full-time and work full-time and all they did was prioritize, blah, blah, blah. I take my priorities into account by the hierarchy of needs by Maslow. If you don’t know what this is, Google is your friend, remember? So I spend my time working more so that I can eat and sleep in a real bed. Then I study to get myself ahead in the world. Then if I have anytime left, I plan for dinners with my family or date night with my boyfriend or movie night with my friends. But they don’t get my priority. If you really feel lonely, you have a magical device that allows you to contact people anytime, anywhere.

 

Some of these topics I may cover in depth later, but please take to heart that you don’t have to do things like everyone else. If you still need answers, or you’re just frustrated that you can’t get this whole school thing to work, hit me up. I’m an open ear if nothing else and maybe all you need is to just talk your problems out.

Unmotivated af…

You know those days your alarm goes off and you turn over to get up but you just don’t want to. Maybe its snowing outside and it would be so much nicer to stay in bed all day instead of tromping through the cold. Maybe you hate your job and constantly think about calling in just to get a few more hours of sleep.

And then you feel guilty for feeling burned out and unmotivated. So you start browsing the internet for some self-help guru to give you the magic answer.

There is none.

Getting up earlier or giving yourself goals isn’t going to make it easier for you to get out if bed and go to a job you hate.

So here are some tips I’ve come up with to get my ass moving on those really bad days when I want to call in.

Start Job Hunting 

One of the reasons you probably hate getting up is because you hate your job. Why? Take just a few seconds to really think about why. For me personally, retail is not where I wanted to be in life, they have taken advantage of my work ethic, they have unreasonable schedules, employees act like high schoolers and breed drama, and the benefits aren’t outstanding enough to make me want to stay permanently.

So maybe you feel this way about your job too. Then start looking.

Before calling in for the 5th time this month and its only the second week, start perusing the job market and see just how available another job is. And don’t get picky like ‘I wonder if NASA is hiring astronauts who used to work at a fast food place and have no college education to speak of’. Look for something that has just one benefit over your current work; better hours, better pay, closer commute, better benefits, in your chosen field…

But don’t quit your current job. Yet.

Spend your lunch time looking through the job postings and trying to scope the market before you quit. Then if you do decide you can’t do it anymore, you’ll have a plan in mind or even another job lined up.

Find some War Paint

This one is my all-time favorite for getting myself to go somewhere I don’t want to.

When I was just a little sophomore in high school, I saw a pretty hipster post declaring that you find your war paint to get you through the day. And for someone dealing with high school drama and the stress of getting into a good college, I took this advice to heart. And I don’t regret it for  second.

So what is war paint? It’s going to be one little thing that makes you feel good or powerful throughout the day. Like how some women love wearing red lipstick because they feel fierce. It can anything you can do before you go somewhere to make you feel powerful enough to handle the unknowns of the day.

I personally used to wear thick eyeliners and dyed my hair heavily and wore big clunky boots. I’ve taken to some of these fashions again because they make me feel more bad ass than the kindergarten teacher I normally resemble.

So how do you find your war paint? Think of some inner fantasy you’ve had. Like putting on fancy lingerie before you put on your police uniform (no judgements here folks, you can whatever kind of lingerie you want no matter who you are cause that shit is meant to make you feel good about yourself). Or it can stem from something more practical, like saying a prayer before you go to work (again, no judgements, whatever helps you guys do you).

It can be as simple as putting on some jewelry or as serious as slipping a knife into your pocket (sometimes I wish I had my knives at work). It just depends on what kind of aura you want to exude.

Take a Vacation

Cash in those vacation days. It’s the best way to actually get away from work without losing your job. And chances are that since you’re feeling burned out, you need to take a break.

So take a staycation and get your life back on track. Spend a day in bed and recoup from working your ass off.

When you get burned out from work, you don’t want to do shit. I know. You don’t want to come home and do dishes or laundry or even make a real meal. So take a few days off and get all that shit down.

When you get burned out, everything takes a back burner and then you feel guilty for not doing it. But don’t worry so much. Don’t pull yourself by your bootstraps and push day after day. Take some time and get yourself sorted out.

But don’t spend all those vacation days at once. Just take a long weekend, say a total of 5 days (three work days plus your two normal days off a week, so you’re only spending 3 vacation days).

Stress Relief

This is my favorite thing to do. Right when you get off from work, pick one little thing to get all that pent-up energy out. Some people like strenuous exercise. But we’re not some people.

I like to get home and scream into a pillow. Why not? That energy has to go somewhere. Remember how good you felt after screaming into a pillow as a kid?

Or come home and spend some one-on-one time with your honey. You know, some one-on-one time. It’s a good way to reconnect after along stressful day, it’s good way to get some of that pent-up energy out, and afterwards, pillowtalk is a great way to vent about your day without getting upset at your partner and a great way to brainstorm solutions for your particular job/situation.

There’s nothing quite like spending a majority of your day making someone else money. So before you lose your mind, leave me a comment below about some of the shit you put up with at work.

Positivity…

I’m so fucking tired of this positivity craze going on.

I’m sure that having these mindsets are backed by science and shit but…

It can’t be healthy to be happy all the time. Sometimes you hurt and you wanna cry and you’re mad, but trying to smile through the pain is like trying to ignore a broken ankle.

I don’t see how being happy all the time is good for your health and well being if all you’re doing is ignoring the bad shit to keep on smiling.

Sure, those fancy herbal teas and sunlight and self-care bullshit is good for you (it’s basic fucking healthcare to stay hydrated, clean, fed, and given fresh air and sun), but doing those things instead of seeking help for your issues or just giving yourself the time to process the bad is a bullshit mentality.

You can’t go through life living only in the light. You have to live through some of the dark, too.

But then again, with how fucked up the world is, why are we going to put on those positivity blinders to try to diminish the way the world is floundering? We should be as angry and negative and bitter as the people who wrecked the world and give them a taste of their own medicine that they’ve been handing down for years to all the post-millennial/gen-z kids.

And I’m sure someone is going to lose their minds over this, and try to justify it to me, but guess what? I don’t care. I wouldn’t be where I am without my bitter, angry ass and I’m sure you can think of a time or two where you didn’t just smile and nod through it.