Getting married on a budget…

I can’t understand why people get so stressed over planning a wedding.

Why would you want to spend thousands and thousands on a wedding?

My two budget tips for planning your own wedding?

  1. Don’t bother having anybody come. It’ll cut down on how much money you ave to spend on food, entertainment, etc.
  2. Don’t hire a wedding planner. Do you really want a big wedding? Do you really want to invite your entire family and spend hundreds on clothes and food and booze?

Seriously, weddings are a waste of money. There’s no reason to spend thousands and thousands on giant party that acts as nothing more than a status symbol.

Spend that money on something else. Save up for a down payment on a house for you and your new spouse. Spend that money on a well-deserved vacation/honeymoon.

Don’t buy into the idea that you need to do this or that for your relationship to be seen as a ‘real’ relationship.

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Eloping…

I know I know. I’m that bitch that goes on and on about how marriage is a sham and how I’ll never get married.

But…

I recently decided to elope.

Why?

It solves all the problems with a traditional wedding.

Shitty family?

They don’t have to be involved now.

Super fucking poor?

I only paid for the marriage license at my county courthouse. Which was infinitely cheaper than planning and paying for a big event. Or even a small private one. We didn’t even buy rings.

Same-sex relationship?

This is so much easier than planning a big wedding and trying to get your homophobic family members to come (everyone has at least 1 homophobe in the fam no lies). You get to be married and without condescending comments and unreasonable rage.

On the fence about marriage?

Then quit looking here. This is about eloping. As in, you run away with someone and get married then return and tell everyone so they can’t do anything about it.

So was it the right choice? Honestly, for us, probably. We both have too much family to keep a ceremony small and we both don’t want to spend thousands and thousands on clothes we get to wear like twice and on rings neither of us can wear outside of the house because of our professions’ safety hazards.

I’m not against the idea of marriage, just the sham industry that is wedding culture.

Being married legally makes things so much easier for me, like insurance forms, emergency contact information, taxes, financial aid for school, etc.

But I’m not doing this to prove a point. Okay, I kind of am. But the point I’m proving is that marriage itself is a stupid societal construct and the only good marriage is the kind where both parties are equally benefitting from the relationship.

Nosy Relatives: Marriage…

I hate when you go see a relative and they start pushing about your relationships (sometimes, the lack thereof).

I just celebrated 3 years of dating with my boyfriend. And we’re perfectly happy where we are right now; living together, raising pets, and just trying to make our way in the world.

But the number of looks I have seen in the last week when I tell them we’ve been  together for three years. I swear, there is nothing more irritating than people giving me looks like I should be dropping hints that we need to get hitched.

I don’t have to drop hints. We’re adults that talk about our future together like adults and make big decisions together. I don’t need Auntie Nancy butting into our business and trying to push us in a direction we don’t feel comfortable taking as a couple (Auntie Nancy isn’t a real person, btw). I don’t care that everyone over 40 got married in their late teens/ early twenties, that’s not a feasible concept anymore, especially for work benefits, taxes, student loans debt and regular debt incurred just trying to live.

But the worst part of the nosy relative trying to drop hints? That you’re not involved in the relationship to begin with. You may be related to one party of the couple, and you could be their closest friend, but that doesn’t mean you have any form of say in what the couple decides is best for them. You don’t get to push your son into proposing because you think he should be settled down by 25, like you were. Hell, you probably don’t even really know what your relative wants from their relationship or from life. Maybe they want to travel the world before marrying, maybe they want to be well-off enough to be able to provide a house instead of an apartment to their new spouse, maybe they want to pay off their student loans so that they don’t wrangle their new spouse into helping them pay it off.

So when I get those looks from friends and family, I have to fight to bite my tongue lest I say something truly regretful. Because the last thing I want to talk about is how my marriage is failing because I married someone after 1 year, while still in the honeymoon stage of a relationship, and then realized that the person I am now married to and raising children with is not compatible with me. Oh wait…

Proposals…

You know what the most ridiculous thing in the world is? Men HAVING to propose with a diamond ring to their girlfriend.

It’s completely impractical.

Why would I want a shiny rock that’s worth more than a car that I will use only as a status symbol to show that I’m desirable enough to marry?

I want something usable, something practical. I don’t need jewelry.

Get me a house, or a new car, or even a stick of gum. Just not jewelry.

Or hell, don’t even propose. Just toss me over your shoulder like the barely-evolved caveman you are and drag me back to your cave. It makes more sense than spending too much money on a simple little ring that can get lost or stolen or broken.

Or if you really want to propose to me, get me a fucking Ringpop or something. Candy jewelry. Something besides jewelry I will  never wear because I can’t stand rings and necklaces get in the way when I work, and bracelets snap and earrings get lost all the time.

What would you rather pay; $5,000+ on an engagement ring (plus another like $3k or so for the wedding band?) or like $1 on a Ringpop, or if you’re feeling splurge-y, maybe like $20 for a modest bouquet of flowers and a heartfelt proposal.

If you could go back and propose with something other than a diamond ring, would you?

This post also ties back to my previous posts on Weddings… 

Weddings…

Weddings are absolutely pointless in this day and age.

Maybe back in the day it was just an excuse to get the whole village together and party, but today?

I can go down to the court house with my chosen spouse and sign a marriage license. I could be married by lunch today if I had a consenting partner.

Yet this “traditional” way of celebrating a civil partnership by dropping thousands and thousands of dollars on a one-time event where the couple force their friends and families to jump through outrageous hoops (you’ve seen those bridezilla stories) just to show up to eat some food and get drunk in fancy clothing.

And that’s not even taking into account the couples where the families are ultra-controlling and try to make a dream wedding by their standards instead of what the couple wants.

Knowing exactly how my family will act if I ever decide to ‘settle down’, I’m eloping. Then my grandmother can’t criticize my dress, my parents can’t lament the bill they won’t even be paying, my spouse’s parents won’t have to gripe about the wedding theme/colors, and I won’t have to listen to my friends bitch and moan about how I didn’t pick them for my bridal party.

Of course, this doesn’t mean I haven’t picked out my wedding dress. You can’t elope without looking the part.