The Drunken Witch

Meditation has been a challenge for me. Not going to lie. That’s why we’re at month three and just now getting an update.

So what has been the issue?

Well, meditation is a practice, which requires regular, well, practice. And if you don’t practice, you won’t get better. Crazy, right?

My practicing has not been consistent. It feels like not much has been able to stick for me.

I tried starting it small, practicing just 3-5 minutes a day. The time was very manageable. However, I think the method is what gave me pause.

I tried with visualization, and I tried with mantras, and I tried with ’emptying my thoughts’. Out of all of these methods, the best ways for me were mantras and visualization, but mantras worked better for me. However, mantras were very hit or miss. I couldn’t find any authenticity behind the usually recommended mantras used, such as ‘You are a powerful person who will achieve great things’ or ‘Positivity flows through me freely’.

I did enjoy making my own mantras. Maybe you’ll like mine better. Some of my favorites were:

• You are a boss bitch, you’re a badass
• Believe in yourself, don’t Tinkerbell yourself (this one is a bit niche, but remember how Tinkerbell needs to be believed in to live? Yeah, well believe in yourself)
• I’m the sexiest, smartest slut and no one can top that
• You are so good at everything you do, keep doing it

Did some of these help? Sure, at least for a small confidence boost. I would say these are more affirmations and not really mantras or meditations. But practice sometimes means trying some things, failing at them and doing something else that can work better.

I tried with sitting in a designated chair, and laying in bed before sleeping. My most successful trial was sitting in a designated chair, in my living room first thing in the morning. However, with the cold weather now fading, I’m hoping to do more meditation practice on my balcony (it’s a small balcony on a three-story apartment complex, it’s not glamorous, but it is lovely.) I love sitting in the sun before having to go into work and a little outdoor time with some fresh air might help this practice solidify more as a habit.

So what have we learned in the last few months? Sometimes, the best way of practicing is failing. And sometimes that means finding where the habits are falling apart and trying new things to make them work better for you personally. My plan for going forward to try to make this a better habit and a better practice for myself, is:

• Try to change the environment of the habit – I’m going to practice outside more and see if that helps
• Try to change the timing – While I liked meditating in the morning before work, I have not been good about meditating on my day’s off of my day job.
• Try different methods – we’re still going to try methods like movement based methods such as Tai Chi and Yoga, and some of the other methods I looked into

I’m glad with this update, I’m able to discuss with you that it’s ok to fail. It really is. That’s always been something I’ve had an issue coming to terms with. And with something as honestly inconsequential as mediating, it’s ok to fail and try and experiment. Don’t get too down on yourself for not doing enough, or not being good at it yet. In the wise words of Jake the Dog from Adventure Time, ‘Sucking at something is the first step in being sort of good at something.’

Hopefully I’ll remember to come back to update sometime next month and we can keep learning together!

Go back to the Meditation Overview post here.